9.5/10
+Reveals and delivers on the “secret” to nurturing love in a marriage.
+Direct and to the point.
+Written from a Christian perspective with cited scripture.
+Slim volume that does not take days to shuffle through.
-Somewhat pigeon holes men.
+Quiz at the end of the novel, with surprising and thought provoking results.
Earning a 9 from me as a reader is difficult; this book almost earned a 10! It is written from the perspective of a professional marriage counselor, who has found a solid relationship with God.
This book is a must have for almost all couples who wish to maintain a healthy relationship. Even if your marriage or relationship is progressing swimmingly, I still recommenced this book with 9.5 fingers. It will change the way you interact with your spouse. The author promises to reveal the secrets to having a loving, long lasting marriage. And he does just that!
Not sure if I ever read a self help book that was not written with filler. Exposition usually gets in the way, or elongated historical references cloud the direct message an author is trying to say. Nope, not in this book!
Filler is in the text, there is some exposition, some personal anecdotes, and direct quotations from marriage sessions from Chapman’s work. Impressively, these sections make the book even more interesting. The filler is just short enough to engage, and not too long where a reader starts to feel like they are waiting for the point to be delivered. Now onto a memorable quotation (which was very difficult to choose):
“We are talking about love, and love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.” Without revealing too much of Chapman’s succinct message, he definitely affirms that love is a choice; we have the instinct and control to choose to love our spouse or not. This message, for me, is powerful. It flips the “love is not rationale” point upside down, and perhaps even agrees with it, by saying, yes, “you can choose to be irrationally in love if you want!”
Chapman also cites Bible verse to heighten his message: “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For the measure you use, it will be measured to you” Luke 6:38.
I did not like how Chapman claimed that men were easy to pick the physical love category as their love language. He then goes onto say that men are more sexually aroused than women, and make the mistake of selecting the wrong love language. In my opinion, this statement pigeon holes men as more sexually aroused beings than woman– I did not enjoy reading that section at all!
Despite the quirk in sexual arousal, Chapman’s quiz created at the end of the book really is thought provoking. I was sold that I was one particular love language, but the quiz revealed a different result. The questions are very specific (which I think is important if the purpose of the assessment is to place the taker into a certain category).
Overall, this book will change your love life (in an amazing, God-idea way). Chapman writes clean, clear, and coherent prose that delivers a powerful message; this message should be read by all couples that are either married or are thinking about embarking on the life-long journey of a lovely marriage.